inevitable.reality

lypophrenia: a feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause.
drapetomania: an overwhelming urge to runaway.
escapism: a mental desire to retreat from unpleasant realities through fantasy.
wanderlust: a desire to travel, to understand one's very existence.
dysania: the state of finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
sanctuary: a small safe place in a troubling world.
metathesiophobia: fear of change

it has happen again. this time, it hurts even more. to go over it again, its really heart wrenching. the same people with the same intention who will never know how much they have broken some because frankly they don't care. the same people who drove me to the brink of the edge. the same people who almost made me jump, just that one step to stopping the hurt.

i told myself more than a million times that i should not care. that no one is perfect. that it is not me because i did my best. that friends do not do this to their own friends. that friends do not push their friend to the ground and step on them. but it does not work.

because here i am feeling the immense hurt. struggling to find a grip but drowning and gasping for air. i feel as if maybe jumping off the edge is a good idea. that maybe just maybe it will end this empty feeling, the burning feeling, this hurt i feel every time they do this. because every time it kills me a little and little, soon i will be no more.

i wonder how long can i hold on for....someone please help me.

life gets tough and when you hit rock bottom, you think there's no hope for tomorrow. always remember that birds that fly high in the sky always come to the ground for food. once they find it, they fly even higher. your strength is on the ground and when you're down remember it, so that you can fly higher.

who are you to judge the life i live? i know i'm not perfect and i don't live to be. but, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

at least i expected the disappointment, right? i mean, i can't say i was surprised you hurt me once again. but i can't say it hurt any less, either. even though you want them to stay.

thinking too much about what others think of you, ultimately changes what you think of yourself.

sometimes you just have to finally admit that you don't deserve any of this, and leave. even if it's going to be the hardest thing you ever do.

i feel like i care so much about other people and i’d do anything for them to keep their head up and just live happily, but in return i get nothing. i’m sick of wasting my time for others who don’t give a fuck about me. i’m done.

sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't, but then one day you feel something else. something that feels wrong, only because it’s so unfamiliar. then in that moment you realize you're happy.

maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for someone to come along and fix what's wrong. maybe sometimes you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and realize no one has the right answer. maybe sometimes you have to be your own hero.

i know the world can be a brutal place. please don't let it steal your smile away. 'cause when the sky is darkest, you can see the stars. and when you fall the hardest, you find how strong you are.