inevitable.reality

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest , if you must, but don't you quit.
*Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
*Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

PS: oh i will try harder with two of my fave eye candies supporting me! hahahaha!

silence (沉默) chen mo (침묵) chimmug - absence of any sound or noise; stillness; the state of being forgotten.

lately i have been dreading the fact that the house is pretty quiet. the little white furball is at the dad's place for the whole week. don't know why but i just feel like i needed some time off from thinking or worrying about anything at all. i miss her much though.

i do go out everyday for work (stress....things are pretty much hanging by a thread for me now and it's frustrating) but during the evenings when i come back, the house greets me with silence. i feel empty. my friend did say go out and have a drink or two but as much as i hate the emptiness and silence, i just ended up staying in.

this weekend will be very quiet. a bunch of friends went to shanghai and then another set of people went to kenyir which we were suppose to follow but honestly money is a factor. how sad....at this age. i suck!

but i got jaychou concert tickets! wooohoooo....

sensitive (敏感) ming gan - in this case it is easily pained, annoyed, etc.

my best friend have changed so much... i just realize it recently. i love her to pieces still but ... seriously it's pretty tiring talking to her i would say.

the past year, many things have happen and i won't say it's a good year. so of cos, i told her but to my surprise instead of understanding she actually kinda think i brought it to myself.

my social life especially have taken a hit. she told me that i have the tendency to say things outright or to say sarcastic things as i don't have much patience for a lot of things. well...yah no one likes to be told that they are bitches but yes i am a bitch.

thing is, now that the subject is out of the bag, it's like a death sentence. everytime...well not everytime but a lot of time when i go to her for some aunt agony advice, she would pinpoint that it's my fault that things get out of hand. sure, sometimes it's me but just cos i have a habit of being forthright doesn't mean it's me all the time.

in fact, i find it strenuous to talk to her nowadays. it's skirting on thin ice. it's like whatever i say it's not good enough for her ears.

siens!

trying (尝试) changshi - causing strain, hardship, or distress. upsetting, difficult, or annoying.

life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life. so true the saying but really... can you do it?

i think i am at a difficult stage of my life. the older you get, the harder and less courage you have to face the hardships in life and hence it's just tougher. now...my problems are many - financial, guy, social outcast, etc.

i feel horrible actually. i feel like everyone is pointing their evil fingers at me. but what did i do wrong?

recently, i stumble upon this website - Succeed Socially.com and the writer of the site has definitely helped me to understand many things. Like I am actually lonely (寂寞) ji mo...the state of "feeling lonely," describes a human state or feeling involving isolation, or the feeling of disconnection with others, etc. Often accompanied by a sense of yearning for connection and as well as what I have been doing wrong. Things that I thought I knew was not how it is.

I think partly cos of financial that I have a low self esteem at this point of time. Sad to think that at this low point of my life, people that you thought would be there, don't really give a shit about you. disappointed again....

I need happy thoughts...many many happy thoughts. Please GOD, if you are up there listening to me...let me have the strength to go through this emotionally and mentally.

fake (假) - a person who makes deceitful pretenses

being someone's friend, there is no obligations attach to it. but if you are someone's best friend and your best friend is in need of a shoulder to lean on, you be there. by hook or crook. but no, my guy's so called best friend doesn't do that yet my guy seems to think its okay. not asking my guy to not help him when he needs help but wake up and smell the roses dude... your best friend is such a crappy friend.

of cos, these people run in the same crowd and i am still an idiot. we go out with them for drinks. on good days which lasted over a month, things are good. but on bad days, they don't bother to call you or if you do call, they don't bother to ask you or make it so secretive that it is obvious. my guy call me sensitive but i am good at guessing and i do have a good intuition.

these are people whom i always thought are friends but yet they still treat me like shit. my guy said no it's like shit and he doesn't care. i maintain that it's like shit cos real friends don't care if you are a bitch, instead they tell you that you are a bitch and still continue to drink with you. just cos they probably don't like certain things about me for certain days, then it is what it is. then again, they are pretty hypocrite themselves so they should check themselves out in the mirror. no one is perfect. end of the day, i am minority so majority wins!

sigh...whatever the thing is, i am still an idiot! sigh....

I lie awake again
my bodies feeling paralysed.
i cant remember when
I didnt live through this disguise.
The words you said to me,
they couldnt set me free.
Im stuck here in this life i didnt ask for.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

The storm is rolling in,
the thunders loud,
it hurts my ears.
Im paying for my sins,
and its gunna rain for years and years.
I fooled everyone, and now what will i become?
i have to start this over,
i have to start this over.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

I fooled everyone now what will i become?
i have to start this over
i have to start this over.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

think 想 (xiang) - A way of reasoning; judgment:


i definitely think too much. think and then analyze and i end up hurting. i need to stop caring.

dog 狗 (gou) 개 (gae) - is a domesticated form of the gray wolf, a member of the Canidae family of the order Carnivora. The term is used for both feral and pet varieties.

perseverance 毅力（yi li) - steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

今天我很不开心， 因为人生的路不是那么容易。 有时候我却的很累，不要在走这掉路。

但我也不想放弃！我以定要有毅力！这掉路我会一步一步的慢慢走，直到我到达终点。 我以定可以的！加由加由！

if for someone who doesn't know much about writing in chinese can write out a whole paragraph, that's perseverance. but of cos, i had help from the dictionary and google translator...hehehe

no words definition this time because i was reading back my old post and saw that i was annoyed with my best friend. it was a bad day and i was being a bad ME. there are bad days and you say or feel bad things so what i want to say is that i may be a bitch at times but I LOVE YOU GIRL!!! HUG!!!! anyways, being good is SO overrated ;)

relieved 安心 (an xin) - to free from need, poverty, etc. (many explanation for this word but however, i am going with the one which best describes my current situation)

shooting star 流星 (liu xing) is the common name for the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere to become a meteor.

'can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky is like shooting star? i could really use a wish right now'

have you had one of those days where you are just pretty slow and there is no sense of urgency at all? today is one of those days for me.

also things have not been going that well for me ... money wise. quite stress out. sigh.

irony 讽刺 (Fèngcì)-(from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning hypocrisy, deception, or feigned ignorance) is a situation, literary technique, or rhetorical device, in which there is an incongruity or discordance that goes strikingly beyond the most simple and evident meaning of words or actions.


damn bloody ironic as i was nearly more than 50% to close my deal and big money will be rolling in. but instead a property that has not been of interested to anyone suddenly was bought by any party. it is frustrating!

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive!

wind 风 (feng) - a force of nature that you can feel but cannot see

it has been awfully windy lately here. perhaps the world weather has gone cuckoo. the wind chills kinda remind me of the time i was in Melbourne freezing my ass off. i ain't a fan of cold.

football 足球(Zúqiú) - The game of football is any of several similar team sports, of similar origins which involve, to varying degrees, kicking a ball with the foot in an attempt to score a goal.

everyone is suffering from world cup fever at this moment. so whoever that is not shan't bother whoever that is. i don't know but i don't care much about footie no more. i remember i used to go ga-ga over all the guys, sticking posters all over my room. my schoolmates and i used to compare notes on who is better looking and which team is better ... ie: man u vs liverfool.

but now, sad to say...the guys for this year's world cup errmmmm tak boleh pakai. my friend said cos they are all too young for an aging me! hahahaha! young and yummy never mind, i can still take.

annoyance 烦恼 (Fánnǎo) - an unpleasant mental state that is characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking. It can lead to emotions such as frustration and anger.


actually don't think the chinese words describe the whole gist of annoyance but who cares rite?

well, i can say i am annoyed by a few things lately. last night at my mum and aunt for saying they don't want to eat lunch. if they would have said earlier, i would have made the trip to visit my other aunts. but now that they don't want to have lunch so means i did not get to see my aunts who came from afar.

then i am annoyed at my partner for not doing work. saying sorry the first few times is ok but after that it just gets annoying. no work no pay. then no point complaining about no money. yah... i am no better off cos i do procrastinate maximum. but this is kind of not acceptable. and i am super annoyed! sigh! but working as partners and as best friends too, gotta give and take i guess. what i can do is to do it myself, can't count on people to do it. even when i was away, she was not really on top of things following up. i get the fact that suddenly it could be too many things to follow up but it's just 5-6 things that needs to be done so just do it! how hard can it be? so now, i just rant and rant then it's back to business...

i am just annoyed today!

family 家庭 - In human context, a family (from Latin: familiare) is an exclusive group of people who share a close relationship —a unit typically (or "traditionally") composed of a mated couple and their dependent children (procreation) in co-residence.



my mum and my aunt is here from up north. apparently, there is an emergency in the family. i learnt that my grand-aunt has bipolar disorder. i have heard of it the term in one of the American series and did not think that it would be this serious.

on top of that, my aunts and uncle (2 daughters and 1 son) is not making the situation any better. no one is a perfect son or daughter but the basic stuff should do and do it out of your heart. but then again, based on level in the family i am still consider low so no say.

it's quite disheartening to see people treat their parents so bad. yah i admit, i don't want my parents to live with me but that doesn't mean i won't bother about them or take them out for dinner or talk to them. i hope that things will get better for my grand-aunt. like my aunt say sweet beginnings (for she had people taking care of her) to bitter endings (cos it would seem that now her kids don't want to take care of her) for her.

on top of that, i heard the ultimate news. apparently my cousin has not been attending college for 1 1/2 years. which means he cannot complete his degree. sigh i hope it will get better for him.

prince charming 白马王子 - he is the prince who comes to rescue of the damsel in distress, and stereotypically, must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell.

have you ever wonder what happen to prince charming or sleeping beauty that you heard about when you were younger during bedtime story? well, i wont say they don't exist. depends on what is your definition of a 白马王子.

in this modern day fairytale, a 白马王子 can be that round looking guy who holds the door open for you or text you to see if you are home safe. he could be that tall balding guy with a comic look who patiently waits while you shop. afterall, i guess you can say those guys did rescue you from a certain situation at that point of time.

then again, i don't think we do need much rescuing nowadays. i think if a guy respects you, treasures you, cares about you, loves you for who you are no matter what then he is the 白马王子.

reality aside, of cos...every 白马王子 a girl dream of would be a guy who does the rescuing but yet manage to do it charmingly and romantically and manage to look yummy at the same time. a girl can dream right? my 白马王子 i s this dimple guy on the left.

at the end of the day, who said someday my 白马王子 won't come? just that he won't be riding on a horse and look good doing it. instead he probably be trying to hold on for his dear life.

drowning 踩水 - To kill by submerging and suffocating in water or another liquid

其实我不知道我自己在做什么。我只是觉得好像我淹死。怎么我还只是踩水，不浮动？我是不够努吗？它必须是。我要加倍努力，如果没有我一定会被淹死...