inevitable.reality

attractive 吸引力 (xinyi li) 매력 (maelyeog): attractiveness or attraction refers to a quality that causes an interest or desire in something or someone.

let me slip into my fangirl mode....
seriously!! need i say more? he is my current eye candy. nope he ain't that good looking but there is something about him. the more you see the more you like. of cos these are all just a facade. but it doesn't stop thousands or maybe millions of girls to go gaga after him. based on that - he plays good music, he loves basketball, he is such a gentleman at the same time a kid at times...definitely fulfilled more than part of my ideal list.

mood; 心情 (xingqing); 기분 (gibun): a mood is a relatively long lasting emotional state. Moods differ from emotions in that they are less specific, less intense, and less likely to be triggered by a particular stimulus or event.

the days seem to be constantly gloomy with drops of tears falling from the sky as if the gods are crying. thunder and lightning sometime ensue and i don't know why but i seem to have gotten to love this gloom. maybe because of my constant gloom mood or gloom life, but i do love the gloom.

my mood has been sombre for the past couple of months. many things have changed. people have change or maybe they haven't but i have changed thats for sure.

there is one change i have yet to make. a change that could literally (well maybe not that dramatic) change my life. not a minor one but a major one. am i ready for that change? or shall i fix what is tainted and don't change what's not broken? i don't know but i know i am scared of that change. my gal pal told me perhaps its that surroundings that make me feel this way and that i should settle down and see whether i should make the change or not.

I just like the quote. Think it's kinda telling me it's time.

hurt 伤害 (sanghai) 상처 (sangcheo): to cause mental or emotional suffering to; distress.

"Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.."

gloom - 幽暗 (you an) 어둠 (eodum): a state of melancholy or depression; despondency.

first day of the year.... didn't i just say i would be more positive? old habits die hard i guess. there are always excuses for how you behave and what or why you did not do this or that. i have been home the whole day. i slept at around 5 plus this morning but yet i woke up around 9 plus near 10 and have been awake since. i have a bf whom i do not want to spend anytime with at all. in fact, i don't feel like seeing him at all even though i am now home alone with my dog. do i feel sad? do i feel pathetic? yah i guess to a certain extent i do but the worse of it all is that i feel all these but yet i rather feel it than spend time with him.

i think i should not be a bitch and hold on because i am scared. but it's easier said than done. it's nothing something that is done overnight. there will be days and nights like these when i won't have anyone to go dinner with or anywhere to go but is holding on a solution?

please god... give me a sign!

finally a new year... but is there any difference actually? it's just that the clock strike midnight and everyone make resolutions that most likely they end up making it again by the end of the year.

generally, everyone will have this thoughts in their pretty little heads that it's a new year so it will be a white piece of paper again so they can re-write their life story for the year. perhaps true. you wish for better things in the new year. i know i do. it's kinda a placebo actually. it's like you open a door to another room then close the door and voila, it's a brand new year!

what is my resolution for this year? i don't know because i stopped making them as i don't end up keeping them. but perhaps writing some of the things i want to achieve this year would be good. so far so good for the first day of the year.

In 2011, I will:

1. throw away the old habits and pick up good ones (haha!)
2. work with a strong focus
3. still be passionate about the things i love but not to an obsessive stage
4. not hide myself away
5. figure out what road i want to take
6. have the courage to face the problems in my relationship
7. be healthy
8. be able to close many deals monthly
9. be less moody and more positive
10.see the world the way i want to
11.take note that nothing is free and easy except tours maybe
12.smile more
13.not have a day where i need to worry about money
14.read more books to widen my knowledge
15.expand my language capabilities with Korean & Mandarin
16.learn to handle the people in my life
17.lose weight to my ideal weight which is 43kg
18.let of things or people that are not meant to be
19.pick a new hobby or two
20.learn to love myself more and more each day

of cos, i shall also start my year with an eye candy: