closing of cycles

from the blog of an awesome and inspiring man - Paulo Coelho



One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

cr: Closing Cycle as quoted above.

over you

7:01 PM posted just me


this song somehow depicts my feelings for the year. hopefully 2011 is a better for me.

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you…

goodbye and hello

5:55 PM posted just me


new 新 (xin) 새 (sae): newly beginning or recurring; starting anew; now commencing; different from has been; as, a new year; a new course or direction.

today is the last day of 2010. there are many ups and downs in one's life and i believe at this point of time, that this year could be one of the worse year of my life. a time of my life when i am constantly in a crossroad, constantly hurting, constantly disappointed and most of all emotional drained.



In 2010, I learn that:

1. even after 10 over years, your friends can still be immature
2. the people whom you thought are the people you can turn to might not be the case
3. being overly passionate about something might not be a good thing
4. people have less tolerance level once they are older
5. people pick on your faults but they are blind to their own
6. to keep my brutal opinion to myself and only say the things they want to hear
7. to say I am fine and mean it even if I am not
8. to be my own company
9. being poor with commitments is tough with capital T
10.the law of attraction don't really work
11.breaking up would be the best thing except that i am scared to be alone
12.facebook is a depressing tool
13.to be tough emotionally
14.to depend on myself and no one else
15.being a PR slut is exhausting
16.i am an angry at the person i have become
17.to cry silently
18.that i am ashamed of what i have become
19.that i am depressed and suicidal
20.that i have became the one thing i am most afraid of - a lost lonely soul

many more actually because i feel that 2010 is really a tough year for me. one of the few things in 2010 that made it great was my dog. she is a joy to have around and made those lonely times bearable.

화이팅



When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest , if you must, but don't you quit.
*Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
*Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!


PS: oh i will try harder with two of my fave eye candies supporting me! hahahaha!

silence

10:12 AM posted just me


silence (沉默) chen mo (침묵) chimmug - absence of any sound or noise; stillness; the state of being forgotten.

lately i have been dreading the fact that the house is pretty quiet. the little white furball is at the dad's place for the whole week. don't know why but i just feel like i needed some time off from thinking or worrying about anything at all. i miss her much though.

i do go out everyday for work (stress....things are pretty much hanging by a thread for me now and it's frustrating) but during the evenings when i come back, the house greets me with silence. i feel empty. my friend did say go out and have a drink or two but as much as i hate the emptiness and silence, i just ended up staying in.

this weekend will be very quiet. a bunch of friends went to shanghai and then another set of people went to kenyir which we were suppose to follow but honestly money is a factor. how sad....at this age. i suck!

but i got jaychou concert tickets! wooohoooo....

sensitivity is the new thing


sensitive (敏感) ming gan - in this case it is easily pained, annoyed, etc.

my best friend have changed so much... i just realize it recently. i love her to pieces still but ... seriously it's pretty tiring talking to her i would say.

the past year, many things have happen and i won't say it's a good year. so of cos, i told her but to my surprise instead of understanding she actually kinda think i brought it to myself.

my social life especially have taken a hit. she told me that i have the tendency to say things outright or to say sarcastic things as i don't have much patience for a lot of things. well...yah no one likes to be told that they are bitches but yes i am a bitch.

thing is, now that the subject is out of the bag, it's like a death sentence. everytime...well not everytime but a lot of time when i go to her for some aunt agony advice, she would pinpoint that it's my fault that things get out of hand. sure, sometimes it's me but just cos i have a habit of being forthright doesn't mean it's me all the time.

in fact, i find it strenuous to talk to her nowadays. it's skirting on thin ice. it's like whatever i say it's not good enough for her ears.

siens!

trying



trying (尝试) changshi - causing strain, hardship, or distress. upsetting, difficult, or annoying.

life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life. so true the saying but really... can you do it?

i think i am at a difficult stage of my life. the older you get, the harder and less courage you have to face the hardships in life and hence it's just tougher. now...my problems are many - financial, guy, social outcast, etc.

i feel horrible actually. i feel like everyone is pointing their evil fingers at me. but what did i do wrong?

recently, i stumble upon this website -
Succeed Socially.com and the writer of the site has definitely helped me to understand many things. Like I am actually lonely (寂寞) ji mo...the state of "feeling lonely," describes a human state or feeling involving isolation, or the feeling of disconnection with others, etc. Often accompanied by a sense of yearning for connection and as well as what I have been doing wrong. Things that I thought I knew was not how it is.

I think partly cos of financial that I have a low self esteem at this point of time. Sad to think that at this low point of my life, people that you thought would be there, don't really give a shit about you. disappointed again....

I need happy thoughts...many many happy thoughts. Please GOD, if you are up there listening to me...let me have the strength to go through this emotionally and mentally.

life is too short


life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life..

minority

fake (假) - a person who makes deceitful pretenses

being someone's friend, there is no obligations attach to it. but if you are someone's best friend and your best friend is in need of a shoulder to lean on, you be there. by hook or crook. but no, my guy's so called best friend doesn't do that yet my guy seems to think its okay. not asking my guy to not help him when he needs help but wake up and smell the roses dude... your best friend is such a crappy friend.

of cos, these people run in the same crowd and i am still an idiot. we go out with them for drinks. on good days which lasted over a month, things are good. but on bad days, they don't bother to call you or if you do call, they don't bother to ask you or make it so secretive that it is obvious. my guy call me sensitive but i am good at guessing and i do have a good intuition.

these are people whom i always thought are friends but yet they still treat me like shit. my guy said no it's like shit and he doesn't care. i maintain that it's like shit cos real friends don't care if you are a bitch, instead they tell you that you are a bitch and still continue to drink with you. just cos they probably don't like certain things about me for certain days, then it is what it is. then again, they are pretty hypocrite themselves so they should check themselves out in the mirror. no one is perfect. end of the day, i am minority so majority wins!

sigh...whatever the thing is, i am still an idiot! sigh....

something more



I lie awake again
my bodies feeling paralysed.
i cant remember when
I didnt live through this disguise.
The words you said to me,
they couldnt set me free.
Im stuck here in this life i didnt ask for.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

The storm is rolling in,
the thunders loud,
it hurts my ears.
Im paying for my sins,
and its gunna rain for years and years.
I fooled everyone, and now what will i become?
i have to start this over,
i have to start this over.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

I fooled everyone now what will i become?
i have to start this over
i have to start this over.

There must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
breathe in breathe out
breathe in breathe out.
And all these masks we wore,
we never knew what we had in store,
breathe in breathe out,
breathe in breathe out.

too much

think 想 (xiang) - A way of reasoning; judgment:


i definitely think too much. think and then analyze and i end up hurting. i need to stop caring.




man's best friend

dog 狗 (gou) 개 (gae) - is a domesticated form of the gray wolf, a member of the Canidae family of the order Carnivora. The term is used for both feral and pet varieties.

















The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.





frustration

perseverance 毅力(yi li) - steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

今天我很不开心, 因为人生的路不是那么容易。 有时候我却的很累,不要在走这掉路。

但我也不想放弃!我以定要有毅力!这掉路我会一步一步的慢慢走,直到我到达终点。 我以定可以的!加由加由!

if for someone who doesn't know much about writing in chinese can write out a whole paragraph, that's perseverance. but of cos, i had help from the dictionary and google translator...hehehe

sorry is not a hard word to say


no words definition this time because i was reading back my old post and saw that i was annoyed with my best friend. it was a bad day and i was being a bad ME. there are bad days and you say or feel bad things so what i want to say is that i may be a bitch at times but I LOVE YOU GIRL!!! HUG!!!! anyways, being good is SO overrated ;)

weather forecast: sunny bunny

3:10 PM posted just me
relieved 安心 (an xin) - to free from need, poverty, etc. (many explanation for this word but however, i am going with the one which best describes my current situation)

well, it's not 100% but at least something is happening. but for now i can breathe a short sigh of relief. things are moving and i hope it will continue to stay this way. if so, by end of the year... wooohooooo!!! i can just travel travel and travel!

*damn this emotion is hard to find a pic for but i think this will kinda do except i would prefer it being a dog.

weather forecast: drizzle

shooting star 流星 (liu xing) is the common name for the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere to become a meteor.

'can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky is like shooting star? i could really use a wish right now'

have you had one of those days where you are just pretty slow and there is no sense of urgency at all? today is one of those days for me.

also things have not been going that well for me ... money wise. quite stress out. sigh.

ironic

irony 讽刺 (Fèngcì)-(from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning hypocrisy, deception, or feigned ignorance) is a situation, literary technique, or rhetorical device, in which there is an incongruity or discordance that goes strikingly beyond the most simple and evident meaning of words or actions.


damn bloody ironic as i was nearly more than 50% to close my deal and big money will be rolling in. but instead a property that has not been of interested to anyone suddenly was bought by any party. it is frustrating!

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive!

weather forecast: windy

wind 风 (feng) - a force of nature that you can feel but cannot see

it has been awfully windy lately here. perhaps the world weather has gone cuckoo. the wind chills kinda remind me of the time i was in Melbourne freezing my ass off. i ain't a fan of cold.

weather forecast: raining balls

football 足球(Zúqiú) - The game of football is any of several similar team sports, of similar origins which involve, to varying degrees, kicking a ball with the foot in an attempt to score a goal.

everyone is suffering from world cup fever at this moment. so whoever that is not shan't bother whoever that is. i don't know but i don't care much about footie no more. i remember i used to go ga-ga over all the guys, sticking posters all over my room. my schoolmates and i used to compare notes on who is better looking and which team is better ... ie: man u vs liverfool.

but now, sad to say...the guys for this year's world cup errmmmm tak boleh pakai. my friend said cos they are all too young for an aging me! hahahaha! young and yummy never mind, i can still take.

annoyance

annoyance 烦恼 (Fánnǎo) - an unpleasant mental state that is characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking. It can lead to emotions such as frustration and anger.


actually don't think the chinese words describe the whole gist of annoyance but who cares rite?

well, i can say i am annoyed by a few things lately. last night at my mum and aunt for saying they don't want to eat lunch. if they would have said earlier, i would have made the trip to visit my other aunts. but now that they don't want to have lunch so means i did not get to see my aunts who came from afar.

then i am annoyed at my partner for not doing work. saying sorry the first few times is ok but after that it just gets annoying. no work no pay. then no point complaining about no money. yah... i am no better off cos i do procrastinate maximum. but this is kind of not acceptable. and i am super annoyed! sigh! but working as partners and as best friends too, gotta give and take i guess. what i can do is to do it myself, can't count on people to do it. even when i was away, she was not really on top of things following up. i get the fact that suddenly it could be too many things to follow up but it's just 5-6 things that needs to be done so just do it! how hard can it be? so now, i just rant and rant then it's back to business...

i am just annoyed today!