annoyance

annoyance 烦恼 (Fánnǎo) - an unpleasant mental state that is characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking. It can lead to emotions such as frustration and anger.


actually don't think the chinese words describe the whole gist of annoyance but who cares rite?

well, i can say i am annoyed by a few things lately. last night at my mum and aunt for saying they don't want to eat lunch. if they would have said earlier, i would have made the trip to visit my other aunts. but now that they don't want to have lunch so means i did not get to see my aunts who came from afar.

then i am annoyed at my partner for not doing work. saying sorry the first few times is ok but after that it just gets annoying. no work no pay. then no point complaining about no money. yah... i am no better off cos i do procrastinate maximum. but this is kind of not acceptable. and i am super annoyed! sigh! but working as partners and as best friends too, gotta give and take i guess. what i can do is to do it myself, can't count on people to do it. even when i was away, she was not really on top of things following up. i get the fact that suddenly it could be too many things to follow up but it's just 5-6 things that needs to be done so just do it! how hard can it be? so now, i just rant and rant then it's back to business...

i am just annoyed today!

family problems

family 家庭 - In human context, a family (from Latin: familiare) is an exclusive group of people who share a close relationship —a unit typically (or "traditionally") composed of a mated couple and their dependent children (procreation) in co-residence.



my mum and my aunt is here from up north. apparently, there is an emergency in the family. i learnt that my grand-aunt has bipolar disorder. i have heard of it the term in one of the American series and did not think that it would be this serious.

on top of that, my aunts and uncle (2 daughters and 1 son) is not making the situation any better. no one is a perfect son or daughter but the basic stuff should do and do it out of your heart. but then again, based on level in the family i am still consider low so no say.

it's quite disheartening to see people treat their parents so bad. yah i admit, i don't want my parents to live with me but that doesn't mean i won't bother about them or take them out for dinner or talk to them. i hope that things will get better for my grand-aunt. like my aunt say sweet beginnings (for she had people taking care of her) to bitter endings (cos it would seem that now her kids don't want to take care of her) for her.

on top of that, i heard the ultimate news. apparently my cousin has not been attending college for 1 1/2 years. which means he cannot complete his degree. sigh i hope it will get better for him.

weather forecast: sunny

prince charming 白马王子 - he is the prince who comes to rescue of the damsel in distress, and stereotypically, must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell.

have you ever wonder what happen to prince charming or sleeping beauty that you heard about when you were younger during bedtime story? well, i wont say they don't exist. depends on what is your definition of a 白马王子.

in this modern day fairytale, a 白马王子 can be that round looking guy who holds the door open for you or text you to see if you are home safe. he could be that tall balding guy with a comic look who patiently waits while you shop. afterall, i guess you can say those guys did rescue you from a certain situation at that point of time.

then again, i don't think we do need much rescuing nowadays. i think if a guy respects you, treasures you, cares about you, loves you for who you are no matter what then he is the 白马王子.

reality aside, of cos...every 白马王子 a girl dream of would be a guy who does the rescuing but yet manage to do it charmingly and romantically and manage to look yummy at the same time. a girl can dream right? my 白马王子 i s this dimple guy on the left.

at the end of the day, who said someday my 白马王子 won't come? just that he won't be riding on a horse and look good doing it. instead he probably be trying to hold on for his dear life.

weather forecast: drizzle

drowning 踩水 - To kill by submerging and suffocating in water or another liquid

其实我不知道我自己在做什么。我只是觉得好像我淹死。怎么我还只是踩水，不浮动？我是不够努吗？它必须是。我要加倍努力，如果没有我一定会被淹死...

weather forecast: drizzle

world cup / 世界杯 - 4 year once football championship


lately everything is about world cup - who kicked who's ass in the world today or yesterday. well, i have not been following at all. i just hear and perhaps give some comments here and there but otherwise no interested, don't know why. then again, if you can't beat them, join them so 南非世界杯，我终于决定支持阿根廷！

anyway, currently the only thing in my mind is money. and mine is running extremely low. if i don't get some soon, i probably need to be begging for some soon.

keep fingers cross and pray to god big time!

weather forecast: beautiful sunshine

Bali 巴厘岛 - an Indonesian island located in the westernmost end of the Lesser Sunda Islands, lying between Java to the west and Lombok to the east.


recently went for a break full of sun, surf and sea. most of the days when i wake up, all i need to think of is whether or not it is sunny outside so i can take my morning swim or a morning tan.

this time around i did two more activity that i have not done before - a bike tour that passes through a few local villages and paragliding which is pretty pricey but something i have been wanting to do for the longest time. other than that, its pretty much - wake, eat, chill, swim, tan, walk, drink, party (once! getting old already) and sleep.

heaven! i hope i can do this again very soon. check out the eye candies...yummy!

love

love 爱 - "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." --Robert Heinlein


"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."
--Margaret Anderson

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
--Aristotle

"In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life."
--Bliss and Cerney

"Take away love, and our earth is a tomb."
--Robert Browning

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
--Roy Croft

"You're nothing short of my everything."
--Ralph Block

"I love her and that's the beginning of everything."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one."
--John Keats

"I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal."
--Vita Sackville-West

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again."
--Unknown

"When a heart finds another, what's a cloud more or less in the sky?"
--Wolf and Page

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
--Sam Keen

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
--Elizabeth Browning

weather forecast: drizzle

weibo 围脖 - chinese version of twitter

recently i got myself a chinese twitter account called weibo. it is very popular with many asian artistes and i am following like a number of them. however after a while it's is pretty tiring and tedious because in order to know what they are tweeting about, i would need to copy and paste onto the google translator and then click submit. after that, if everything goes well i would get the whole idea but sometimes the words are jumble up and i would need to decipher it.

otherwise, it does help me to improve my chinese a lot seeing i pretty much want to take a shot at taiwan. gotta start posting more in chinese here too.

here is my WEIBO

indifferent

indifferent: that does not matter one way or the other; of no importance or value one way or the other



i am indifferent today even though it's a friday. but then again, i don't need friday for the weekend to come. another boring day which in fact, i should be doing my work but as usual sigh... i am procrastinating and it ain't good. my moolahs is getting really low. but then again, it being a friday, i would want not to spend it at home doing nothing...please let me have some plans.



weather forecast: cloudy

1:13 AM posted just me
alcohol: intoxication that will make you lose yourself

i was confuse with myself and contradicting myself too. i want yet i don't want. anyway, we kissed although we are suppose to be cooling off. i think it's the alcohol's fault. yes i shall blame it on the alcohol.

weather forecast: sunny

12:54 AM posted just me
dream: an aspiration; goal; aim


i am crazy over this drama serial called down with love and especially crazy over the guy. crazy to the extent of wanting to go over to taiwan and chase my dream (not the guy as it would be impossible). not to say it would be a better life there, in fact i might be lonely there but i might enjoy it there, who knows. but i know for sure, i want what they have in the drama. i want a xiang yu ping and am going to go for it unless otherwise.

lately been surfing this forum and you would be surprise how many people actually lurks around there. i am there especially since i am an addict of the couple from down with love. even during normal time like promotional and non-promotional time, these two are still playing footsie, handsie, tickling, poking, touching, and many more. seriously, they are so sweet and everyone on this thread in this forum that i go to is so into them getting together and always spazz about them. i am more than happy to just take a seat back and read with the occasional comment here and there. but seriously, these two got super hot chemistry and i have not been crazy over a couple in a serial before.


a girlfriend of mine and i have planned, when we get enough money...we will go over to taiwan to be a crazy fan and chase some stars for fun. i think we can still pass as 20s.

weather forecast: sun still peeking out of the clouds

happy: characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy



think this song might be best to describe at the moment: Happy by Leona Lewis



someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anythng

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

weather forecast: sun peeking out of the clouds

11:10 AM posted just me
dating: a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse



i have a date tonight with a guy. well, actually it's my guy if i can still call him my guy. but in fact, it's just dinner.

anyway, i better buck up on work. money needs to pour in or else i am doomed soon.

weather forecast: cloudy

1:03 AM posted just me
change: a passing from one phase to another


today started out good as i went out for work and i did get things done although a bit distracted here and there. th en i went home after work and maybe because lately due to the empty feeling i have, i hate my home. my white little rascal makes it so much easier to go home.

i kept thinking maybe just maybe i should settle. that i still want to hold on. i panicked when he said he can't go on the holiday with me. i am already having some personal struggle with certain people who is going on the holiday too and me being me, i cling. but after a while and my mind digest the whole thing, in fact i am looking forward to him not being there as well. me just being able to have fun. i am losing him because i am slowly but surely letting him go.

i know deep inside that i want to let go but i am clinging on because i am scared of changes. now i do hope that he is not gonna be going as well so i can just be me without the facade. perhaps it is for the best.

weather forecast: drizzle

habit: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary



i love him but yet i am not in love with him. i am scared to be without him but yet i don't want him in my life. i want to be just me but yet i can't let go of him.

everytime i think of all the times we have together or all the things we have gone through, i just want to ask him to hold me in his arms. but i also know that it will be a different feeling for i want more and i don't know if he can give me more.

i am not being fair to him. i am hurting him but yet if i am not selfish, i will hurt me. i don't want that feeling of emptiness.

we have become a habit...

Used to us promising each other Be there or be square
Used to looking for the other when we open our eyes
But habits make us sluggish
No longer strong enough
To defend against loneliness

Used to the two of us sleeping in a single bed
Then we can sleep soundly till daybreak
If you leave
What can I do with my hands all tied up?

But most of all,
Used to the Happily-after
How do I get used to having my other half empty again

pS: it's a bit weird cos it's translated from a chinese song called 習慣兩個人

weather forecast: raging storm

10:01 AM posted just me
empty: containing nothing



i feel empty and as if i am acting on autopilot. i don't know how long i can walk like this. it feels like i am falling, falling into an endlessly black pit. someone help me...or is it only i can help myself.

weather forecast: thunderstorm

loneliness: a feeling in which people experience a strong sense of emptiness and solitude.

actually i am a princess behind all my fierce facade, wanting to get approval and wanting to be loved by everyone. i am insecure. whatever shit people give, i pretend to i don't take shit. but in the end i just swallow it because i am afraid, i am afraid that if i don't take it all in, i will be the only one sitting there.

fear is a strong feeling, loneliness is even worse...it doesn't kill you, it eats you alive slowly but surely.

some have said that i am hateful. if i am such a hateful person, then why let me have a conscience? why not let me be a bitch through and through...it would be much easier then. either you love me or you hate me. but no, i hate but i want to be loved.

so perhaps i have reached a stage where i don't want to pretend no more. i just want to be me.

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